Gag Gift Season

OK, Christmas is over.  The season of giving is gone, but that means the end of some holiday stress too, so it's not all bad.  We usually want Christmas gifts to be heartfelt and thoughtful -- hence not knowing what to get someone, the ensuing procrastination, and eventual panic attack on Christmas Eve in the mall with 20,000 other shoppers.  Luckily, other holidays & occasions throughout the year (e.g., birthdays, office events) actually can be more fun for the giver... especially when involving gag gifts.  So now that we're in 2011 it's time to prepare some prank presents for your loved (hated?) ones this year!

You know that person who loves his/her cups o' joe, yet repeatedly claim "I'm addicted to coffee, I need to cut down"?  Riiight.  This is for them.

Empty, the toilet coffee cup has a charm of its own.  But fill it with a light brown liquid and it reaches a higher plane.

The 12-ounce size doesn't discourage consumption, but think of the "plop" sounds when sugar cubes are dropped in...

For your resident Twilight or Trublood freak, forget the movie posters.  Give 'em what they think they really want: a fake IV bag with drinkable "blood".  The seller says it's "energy drink" inside (vs. fruit punch flavored sugar water?).  But do we really want to give crazy Edward/Jacob fans more energy?  Why not put cherry Nyquill in there???

Heck, make the gift a full six-pack of fake Type B!  But watch the reaction very closely... your vampire wanna-be just might enjoy the experience a bit too much.  The seller says you can heat up the product to "enhance the experience"... that's a bit scary, huh?

So fake blood is passe?  Let's up the ante a bit.  Who wants a scorpion pop!  Yup, these treats contain an honest-to-goodness crunchy arachnid inside.  Every bit (technically) is fit for human consumption, and they come in assorted flavors and scorpion species!

The seller's ad copy is funny:  "Since we believe in truth in advertising, someone at Stupid.com had to actually eat one so we could describe it properly. The boss was elected since he's the only one with health benefits. Though it is hard to describe, we CAN tell you that it DOESN'T taste like chicken."  Alternate uses could be:  fraternity pledge requirements, fraternity dares, heck, anything involving intoxicated fraternity guys.

Let's get back to a classic gift:  the wall calendar!  You can find them with adorable dogs, Ansel Adams photos, city skylines... but wouldn't your friends rather have Her Majesty's Prisons of England adorn the cubicle?  Each month has a photo of "twelve stupendous slammers including four bonus Welsh nicks".  This is, after all, "England's fastest growing industry".  Love the UK humor.

You may also choose from the more pedestrian "Best of British Roundabouts" & "The Birmingham Outer Circle 11 Bus Route" calendars (on the same web page).  Other options are the Extraordinary Chickens calendar, or the 2011 Bunny Suicides Calendar (the illustrator needs anti-depressants, I think.)

Finally, for your old buddy who thinks he's the next Tiger Woods (perhaps in more ways than one), it's time for him to man up.  It's time to tee off using camouflage golf balls.

It's a new idea on the trick golf balls that explode on impact or won't roll straight when putted.  Unfortunately, it's the most fun when used on people that find it the least funny... know what I mean?