Crap for Christmas

One of our first Schnitzelbahn blog posts was about the German "sitzpinkel" -- where guys must sit down to pee.  In a follow-up post, we linked to a guy that talked about "the shelf" on many German toilets... that are supposedly historically meant for "stool examination".

With that in mind, we have found the perfect Christmas gift/stocking stuffer for your German or German-like friends.  The unwrapping process will reveal a card game housed in a nice tin case.  So far so good.  Their first thought:  "It's cards.  Whew!  At least it's not one of those silly bathroom reader books..."

                      

Continuing with the gift examination, you friend's next thoughts might be:  "Interesting, a card game called Plop Trumps.  Must be a variation on Top Trumps where perhaps a twist where you have to plop down cards quickly or something.  Could actually be fun..."

              

Next the recipient will look at the cards in detail.  Can't wait to see their expression upon reading these, and the accompanying "What the...":

        

Yup, you're seeing those cards right.  This present will make quite a splash.  (Terrible pun, sorry.)  Each card has a picture of excrement from a specific animal together with key data about the, um, output.

Note:  I haven't played Top Trumps, but Wikipedia explains the gameplay:  each card shows numerical data about a specific item across multiple categories.   (In this case, we get quantitative and qualitative info about the specific animal's droppings)...  All cards are dealt among the players.  The starting player selects a category from his/her topmost card. The best (usually the largest/highest) value amoung all players wins the "trick".  The player winning the trick chooses the next category.  The winner must obtain all cards.

It sounds like a multiplayer, multivariable version of War.  But focused on dung.  It's also a game of attrition, but made much more interesting than with a standard deck, and some thinking in choosing the measure of animal waste rather than just comparing poker card values.  Makes sense that you can buy versions based on cars, dinosaurs, skyscrapers, soccer, The Simpsons and Harry Potter, etc..  Not as fun as animal turd(s), of course.

And it keeps getting better: the description emphasizes that this was "carefully written" and contains no offensive language, therefore it's appropriate for kids!  Just what parents want their boys playing with -- think this will motivate them to start examining the real thing?

FYI, I found Plop Trumps at firebox.com (source of the pics).  We'll let them finish this post extolling the virtues of the "best photos of poo ever taken":

 

It definitely is "the business".  Much better than a lump of coal, right?  Well, If all else fails and your friend would prefer to keep thinks closer to home, this calendar can be the last resort -- the 2011 Dog Poop Calendar:

     

The world can end now.  Yeah, now would feel right after seeing these products.