Return of the Sitzpinkel – The Toilet Ghost

I've been away a few days...enjoying parents' visit, wrapping up the last week at work, and of course celebrating Oktoberfest (weisswurst and weissbier brunch today was visit #8 this year - a new record!)

And of course this evening's conversation again turned to the familiar topic:

Upon further investigation, we discovered this phenomenon has a name, and a deeper explanation: It’s called The Sitzpinkel, and according to my Theory of Germany # 273 “If There’s a Word For It In German, It Must Happen Regularly,” this must be more than an isolated practice.

My friend H, who has male German roommates confirms that it’s pretty common in shared or student housing to have this rule. I remember the average level of cleanliness of guys’ houses in college….this makes pretty good sense in those circumstances!

But we may have to attribute the uniquely German practice to the also unique and much dreaded German shelf toilet. Dreaded by tourists and those not previously instructed in its use, that is….

…I’ll just send you over to the guy who best explains it, but this design seems to have higher splash potential and maybe makes it more of a conflict source that it is elsewhere with different toilets.

Similar to the “no feet on the toilet seat” signs in Asia, you can find here “Here men must sit” signs. There are even little gadgets available to aid in training your man or son. “The Little Toilet Ghost” plays a loud warning (hear it here) when the seat is lifted, including German, English, and Dutch warnings of “Don’t you go wetting this floor, Cowboy! You never know who’s behind you, so sit down, get your water pistol in the bowl, where it belongs!”

This device claims to be the friend of the Hausfrau and the “enemy of the standing-to-pee-man” (WC Geist – Der Stehpinklerfiend)

And just so that you future visitors are not scared off – my apartment has “normal” American style toilets and men may stand...

Make yourself at home....and please sit down to pee

When studying a foreign language, culture usually is part of the curriculum.  Not only does culture make language studies interesting, but assuming the goal is to function effectively in another country, you'll want to understand all aspects of life.  Specific topics of study will differ depending on the focus of the class or the experience level of the students, but generally they are: food and drink, education, business, religion, politics, etc.

Until recently, I thought I had a fairly good grasp of German culture.  There were studies from 7th to 11th grade in high school, a semester at a German university (living with a family) and summer internship as a steel mill engineer.  After that came two years living and working in Hamburg and Berlin, and now two years in Munich.  But the Germans continue to surprise.  Ironically, at a Fourth of July picnic at a biergarten, we learned something that definitely is not taught in German class:

At home, German women make their men pee sitting down.

Honestly, I don't remember exactly the circumstances of the conversation.  At some point, a German woman was describing the experience of potty training her young boy and clearly stated that upright urination will not be taught or tolerated at home.  Logically we asked what, uh, technique her husband uses.  The answer was clear:  he sits to pee because she forbids him to stand.  Needless to say, the conversation got interesting from there.

The first response was a quest for understanding:  “Why?”.  Answer: Because relieving himself from a vertical position has a higher potential for splashing, dripping, or general messiness, and she will not allow that or clean it up.  The second response was a defense of manhood, from an American man married to a German woman:  “No red-blooded American boy of mine will pee sitting down!”  (I’m guessing that they are still discussion about this – no children yet.)

The next response came from Frau Schnitzelbahn herself, and questioned the choice of restricting freedom to prevent a problem vs. having clear consequences to address a mess when it happens:  “Why don’t you just have a household rule that if someone makes a mess, they are responsible for cleaning the entire bathroom?”  (That’s how it was in my house – you make a mess, you clean it up.)  Our German friend understood the alternative, but prefers her method.  And the men accept (acquiesce?).

The more I thought about it, the more it made sense as part of the broader culture.  Germany is a land of “kontrolling” – lots of rules, people challenging the rules, and people to enforce the rules.  It also fits with the German characteristic of preferring direct conflict (vs. America where we tend to prefer indirect conflict and subtlety).  Indeed, this will be the topics of future posts...

But is this really the case overall, or just an isolated behavior?  Time to torture the guys at work.  I can attest to the fact that they happily use urinals in the office, but they admitted that they sit to pee at home – and for the same reason, wife’s orders.  One said that his mom taught him the same thing, and he does believe that small (cannot be seen) splashes make it out of the bowl and onto the floor.  Another said that he does it as a compromise, but also thinks it makes less noise for people outside.  A third explained that since his wife cleans, he’ll do what she asks.  Culture confirmed.

It’s not the nicest topic with which to start a blog, but you don’t get lessons like this every day.  At least future topics at Schnitzelbahn have nowhere to go but… up.