Veltins Pilsner and the Export Beers

As we didn't have enough German Pilsners available in my Munich supermarket, we included three Exportbier in this bracket. (You can find some other pilsners if you go to a beer store, and you can find a few Czech pilsners in my market, but we didn't have 16 German Pilsners in my store).

First, what is an Exportbier?

It's exactly as it sounds, but what was considered an Export was anything that was exported to another city. The realities of transportation prior to engines and refrigerating meant that the beer had to be brewed slightly differently to survive the journey. An exportbier is still a lager (bottom-fermented, etc), but it is brewed with a higher original wort (12-14% gravity) than a Pils or Helles (typically 11-12% gravity). This also results in a beer with a slightly higher alcohol content (5% vs the usual 3.5-4%)). Often the beer was diluted with water once it reached its destination. Thanks to the higher alcohol content, the beer had both a longer shelf life and lower transportation costs.

For many years (until the 1970s), Exportbier was one of the most popular varieties in Germany, when it was overtaken by the Pils. It's important to note that there are two different types of German Exportbier, as well as a more rare Vienna-style Export:

1) Dortmunder Exportbier is the most well-known - It's a pale lager brewed in the Dortmund area since the mid-1800's. Dortmunder Exportbier became the favorite of the region's industrial workers, as the regions coal and steelworkers needed a good brew to drink. Though it still has a hoppy taste, it has a strong malty and slightly sweeter taste, too.

2) Munich Exportbier - This is what we're trying today. The Munich style typically is darker than a Dortmunder, due to darker malt and higher temperatures in the kiln. This also gives it a slightly caramel flavor. Not surprisingly, the Munich Exportbier is less strongly hopped than the Dortmunder.

So, onto the beers....

In this bracket, we also have our last Pilsner, Veltins Pilsener. Recall that Veltins, the 7th largest brewer, is the beer of FC Schalke and runs a 5km beer pipeline from the brewery to the taps at the arena. Veltin's primary brews a pilsner style beer, though they do also sell light, alcohol free, radler (beer/lemon soda mix), alcoholfree malt, and the V+ range of flavored beers as is very trendy today. Veltins brewery began in 1824, brewing the usual beer types. In 1926, it decided to focus only on the pilsner style of beer.

Here, Veltins goes up against Hacker-Pschorr's Münchener Gold Export Bier.  The Münchener Gold was first brewed in the late 1800s, and then was brought back in 2005.

While the Veltins is an excellent Pils, we preferred the maltiness of the export beer. Just a matter of personal preference...

In the next round, we get a fairer competition, as it's between two Munich Export Beers: Augustiner Edelstoff Exportbier and Tegernsee's Max I. Joseph Jubiliäms Export. ("Edel" means "noble", meaning that this beer uses the "noble ingredients." You often will hear of "noble hops" in Bavaria).

This beer from the Tegernseer brewery was brewed in 2006 to commemorate the 200th anniversary of the founding of the Kingdom of Bavaria by Max(imilian) I. Joseph. King Max, as he was known, also purchased the Tegernsee monastery and brewery from its baron owner in 1817, a decade or so after the secularization of Bavaria. Under his ownership, Tegernsee became a cultural and economic center. Hence the beer to honor King Max and Bavaria.

The Augustiner was a relatively light colored exportbeer. This was almost a tie - Augustiner had slightly more body (due to a fizzier feeling in the mouth). The Tegernsee was a bit sweeter, and we didn't love the feeling of its carbonation.

Then we have Augustiner vs Hacker-Pschorr to decide who goes on to the Sweet Sixteen. Again, the Augustiner had what we call "more body." It just felt like a more solid beer and had a very pleasant level of carbonation. Also, it had the great hint of malty taste, but was not too sweet - it was just a great balance between maltiness and hoppiness. The Hacker-Pschorr, on the other hand, tasted flat and sweet compared to the Augustiner.

Night Photography with compact cameras

As you might have read, I finally got a new camera.  One aspect of getting to know a new camera is learning to get good night photos from it.  Until I do, I wanted to talk about using my old compact camera to get night shots.

To make it simple, there are 2 challenges with low-light photography.  First, your camera will boost the "gain" on its sensor to try and capture every last photon that strikes its surface (camera speak: increasing the ISO).  The problem with this is that higher ISO levels increases "noise" - makes a photo look grainy becuase of a scattering of white pixels that the camera thought it captured.  Second, the camera wants more time to capture the light (camera speak:  uses a slower shutter speed).  The problem with this is that moving subjecs (or a shakey camera) will cause blur.

One solution is to get better hardware of course.  Frau A has an advantage here -- she has one of the best low-light DSLRs made, the full-frame Nikon D700.  That's why it is used by so many professionals for weddings (lots of movement in low light).  Most of us use smaller cameras that don't have this asset advantage.  However, you can get interesting results from compact cameras.

Here are some random thoughts and night photo examples from some compact cameras (my now-dead Canon SX200IS and Frau A's Panasonic LX3):

(1)  Use a tripod to reduce camera shake and  (2) go after static subjects.  The first reduces blurriness due to camera shake, the second elimiates blurriness of moving subjects.  I like to (3) set a 2 second timer to the shutter, so there is a brief pause between the moment I press the button and when the camera starts the exposure.  It's the same thing you do to take a group photo and run to get in the picture.  This makes sure you don't disturb the camera during the exposure.

You can also try (4) your camera's "Night Scene" or equivalent mode.  It helps a bit, especially if you don't have a tripod.  But often the mode will not quite be "smart" enough to get a good result, so you'll have to take more manual control.

In the first example, I simply set the camera on a wall (no tripod available), changed into "S" or Shutter Priority mode, and experimented with different shutter speeds.  I found one that game me some resolution & color without over exposing too many of the small lights in the scene.  I just wanted a good memory, not a printable work of art, so this worked fine.  It's a view of the skyline in Doha, Qatar.

You will usually get better results when (5) shooting subjects that have some modest light available.  This church in Mallorca was lit from the right, and did not have any lights facing directly into the camera.  It's a little hazy due to the noise, and the colors are not that consistent top to bottom, but it's not bad.  I did not have a tripod, but was again able to set the camera on a short wall, which really helped reduce blur.  If it's a static subject with a little light on it, you can probably get a passable photo.

The Museum of Islamic Art in Doha, Qatar was also well lit.  Of course, the bottom of the frame is almost black, and some of the lights are overexposed, but that's the cost of doing business with a camera that fits into a pocket.  Good enough for me, not for a pro though.  Fortunately, there was enough light at dusk that the shutter speed could be 3x faster than the photo of the water and skyline (above) - otherwise the people here would be much blurrier.

When you are trying to take any photo where a light source is coming straight at you, you will have issues (including in the daytime, facing the sun).  In camera speak, you will go beyond the limits of the sensor's dynamic range - the ability to capture bright and dark together in the same photo.  Like the difference betweenthe foreground and the museum in the picture above.

You could do (6) exposure bracketing (capture multiple photos: some get shadow detail, others get light area detail -- and them merge them in software like Photoshop), but most casual shooters don't do such post processing.  Another option (7) is just to accept the facts of physics and artistically work within the limitations.  The photo below was of the moon and a tree.  If I captured the detail in the moon using a shorter/faster shutter speed, the tree would be basically black.  Therefore I let the moon get "blown out" (just white smear, no detail, because the shutter was open longer) as a sacrifice but got an interesting effect in the clouds, and just enough color in the trees.  Looks more like art than reality, but OK with me.

In fact, sometimes the "artifacts" produced by small sensor compact cameras (like the color in the clouds above) can be nice.  In the photo below, I was a one of Munich's biergardens, and tried a few photos with shutter speed ranging from 1 to 5 seconds.  The camera was simply set on the table rather than holding it by hand.  This was the nicest one, especially because of the "star" effect that the lens/sensor produces with some night lighting.  In this case, the light coming directly into the lens worked OK, the moving people are not too blurry, and it leaves me with a great memory of that evening.

Subject-motion blur us usually not wanted, but there are a lot of running-water photogaphs that are nice -- having a "blurry, fluffy" effect on the water.  In the case below (again in Mallorca), the fountain is blown out, but I can live with this because is has interesting shading near the top and I get some reflections on the water.  Again, if I were to keep the water exposure withing my camera's limits, we'd see nothing but black palm trees.

None of these photos are professional quality, but they do depict an interesting scene and, more importantly, capture memories. My recommendation:  (8)  get a tiny tripod (many are just a few inches long for compact cameras, fit in pockets/bags, and cost $15) and (9) experiment.  Go into Shutter priority  or "S" mode, use the 2-second timer to ensure a stable camera, and try different shutter speeds in different situations.  See what happens and have fun.

Solving the Hasselhoff Mystery

Using our investigative powers, we set out to try to understand the rumored German love of David Hasselhoff. Most of our German friends (and the German press) say this is just a crazy American misconception about Germans. Even Der Spiegel writes about how "for years, Germans have been hoping that the world would forgive and forget" Germany's "love affair with David Hasselhoff."

Sure, it makes perfect sense that he has a place in the collective memory thanks to his Looking for Freedom song. It just came at the perfect time.

But it were only that one song, could he still support a tour today? Would the concertgoers all be 40 and 50-year olds reliving the nostalgia? If Germans really do like his music, why is that?

We set out to answer these questions for you. Our first stop was to fuel up with a dinner in his honor - hamburgers. Thank you, Hard Rock for having good American-style burgers and fries!

After our burgers and an Ayinger Helles to help prepare us for whatever was to come, we headed out to the Deutsches Theatre to see what The Hoff had for us. We were shocked to see so many young people standing out front, many with T-shirts (both bought and made), props, and costumes. And all of them were quite young - they definitely were not old enough to remember his 1989 Berlin Wall appearance! They were also overwhelmingly German. We didn't notice any other English-speakers, though I'm sure there were some.

These guys here were in a big group that had shirts made for the event, and the guys below came in Baywatch costumes, complete with scuplted foam pecs and abs. We also had someone wearing the California flag, a guy in a Baywatch shirt and lederhosen, and a group in Afro wigs....which I didn't fully understand, but I'm guessing they had leftover from a 70s party and thought it fit the occasion. No question, it was a very festive atmosphere!

And even KITT came along on the tour!  

 

I guess I've been in Germany too long now, as I was suprised when he still had not come on stage 15 minutes after showtime. The crowd alternated between chanting his name and singing - it was a lot like a football match, strangely.

After a lengthy intro video montage highlighting his career as The Most Watched TV Star in history, The Hoff came out to sing I've Been Looking for Freedom. After a couple of songs we were surprised by the energy level - with lights and costume changes on stage, and a crowd that sang along and danced to all the songs, it just stayed at a very high level.

We have The Hoff in a (vinyl??) tux, in leather fringed jacket, in Baywatch attire, in a turquoise suit, in a sequined jacket, and more!

They made heavy use of the side screens, especially for videos while The Hoff was changing costumes. Of course there was a Knight Rider one, where we watch his heroics as Michael Knight, rescuer of damsels in distress.

Here we have the Baywatch Montage, which includes a parade of Baywatch Babes (and shirtless guys, German is all about equal rights for women...) and ends with his cover of "California Girls."


He did perform his famous German-language song "Wir Zwei," a duet he famously performed with 13 year-old Gwen Obertuck in 1993. It's a very beautiful song about a father and daughter remembering the wife/mother they lost. You can see the original here on an old TV recording. This one brought out the sparklers and lighters:   

The sparklers came out again for his cover of "This Time Around." I think this is such a good song for him - his voice is very well suited to the cabaret type songs, and the lyrics of making the most of a second chance are so appropriate for him!
 

But mostly, the concert was just about having fun. It was in a smaller venue, so felt full and personal, and the crowd just had a great time dancing.
The Swiss guys next to us turned their banners and flags into limbo poles for the Limbo Dance Song. Yes, this song is unbelievably cheesy...but the guy taking iPhone video of himself while limboing cracks me up!

More importantly, we did discover the truth about Hasselhoff and the German-speaking world. And I think the man is brilliant. He can sing, though he'd never have a successful career based solely on his voice. But he's an entertainer and gives the crowd what they want. Why does he have a career here? There are several reasons: 

1) David Hasselhoff is the ultimate American Schlager star. Yes, I said it....Hasselhoff = Schlager. Even the Münchener-Merkur newspaper review drew those comparisons, calling him "a mixture of Boney M. and Hansi Hintersee on speed."

2) He covers the songs the crowd wants - In addition to California Girls, This Time Around, and Rhinestone Cowboy, he sang the one song every German can sing at karaoke - Country Roads.

3) His original songs are:

        a) very simple lyrics with repetition. They're written so that someone who has never heard the song before can sing along after the first verse.

        b) often based on other well-known German songs. This is a major tenet of my Theory of Hasselhoff in German/Austria.  I think he works here largely because he uses melodies and rhythms that already were successful and know as fun party songs. We know "I've Been Looking for Freedom" was based on a 70's schlager hit "Auf der Strasse nach Süden," but there are more.

           "Time To Rock the World" basically takes the chorus from "Hey, wir woll'n die Eisbärn sehn." It's a song from the 1990's that's become a popular après ski song and has been adopted by many sports teams. Check out the two:
Hasselhoff's "Time To Rock the World":

Compared with the Puhdy's 1997 "Hey, wir woll'n die Eisbärn sehn." (translation "we want to see the polar bears").

Hey, wir woll'n die Eisbärn sehn von Puhdys
© Puhdys-Videos bei Clipfish

And the song "You Are a Hero" off his upcoming album sounds suspiciously similar to YMCA....so much, in fact, that the crowd did the YMCA motions!

There were a few others that were strangely familiar to us, but we couldn't place the specific songs. Sure, it's derivative...but this is what makes a Hasselhoff concert fun. You can go in not knowing any of his songs, and you will feel like you did know them after all. It's very accessible.  

4) The songs are all upbeat and positive. Germans may have a rep for being less than optimistic, but they like their songs to be positive and happy!

5) And finally, he brings a little of the crazy, carefree good aspects of American culture. Everyone loves a little Vegas in their life, and he brings Vegas to his shows with the dancers, themes, costume changes, and yes, even a pole dancer.

And of course he closes the sets with "I've Been Looking For Freedom," wearing the same piano key scarf he wore in 1989.

Overall, we were really surprised. By the crowd....their unwaning enthusiasm, their costumes, the bras thrown on stage (who knew that was done here???), and their rule breaking (sparklers, and sneaking in beer bottles).....and also by The Hoff himself. We thought it would be a fun cultural experience, but we had a really great time. It was one of most fun concerts I've attended - it was a lot like a frat party, but with a guy on stage and a band and lights and stuff. Very casual and open. If he comes back, we're going again. But this time we'll have costumes.

The verdict: He may not be the best singer or have the most original songs, but Hasselhoff is an entertainer and he puts on a great show. As for the purported German love affair with The Hoff...well, it's complicated...those who were old enough to remember having to listen to his song(s) EVERYWHERE in the late 80s find the memory of being forced to listen to him painful. To the younger ones, his music is more of a kitschy, fun thing. That's enough to pull off a small tour each year, but you won't be seeing him high on the charts. Will be interesting to see how his new album sells.    

Ski Trips - St. Jakob in Defereggental (the slopes)

Skiing is so incredibly convenient in Munich.  You can be at the foot of excellent slopes in 90 minutes within Germany, and if you open up to a 2-3 hour perimeter you get hundreds of options in Austria.

One trip I especially liked was to St. Jakob in Defereggental, in the famous area of Tirol, Austria (also spelled Tyrol).  It's a little farther to drive than most Müncheners will venture -- a little more than 3 hours with a car.  You can see that it is near the narrow stretch of eastern Austria, close to Italy! (Brunico is in Italy on the map.)  Yes, Munich rocks -- you can get to Northern Italy in 3.5 hours.  

Defereggental is smaller than a lot of ski destinations, with "only" 52km of slopes.  Most of them are blue (17km are easy) or red (32km are medium difficulty) rather than black too.  The slopes are a little shorter than the "best" destinations, which is why the far eastern and western lifts are t-bars -- you can do that if it's not too long.  The ski map is below. 

When you factor in the remoteness, size, and the less-than-completely-new lifts, you get two advantages:  it costs less for the day pass, and fewer people are on the slopes with you.  Obviously it's not a fancy schmancy as St. Anton, but check out the photo below.  I took that from the chairlift, at about 9:30 in the morning.  On a Saturday.  Look at the empty piste on the right!

Here's another shot I took from the lift, this time looking back down the mountain.  You see some fellow skiiers, but nobody on the slopes.  I did see a lot of locals that came to ski for an hour our two -- it must be incredible to live in the area.  Get an annual pass, and "stop by" for a couple runs maybe after work, or even at lunch!  Again, this is Saturday in the middle of ski season!  And with less ski traffic, the fresh snow stays longer... almost no ice patches to be found.

The mountains are not quite as majestic as the best in Tirol, but the view is still great.  That Saturday was relatively clear, and you got a good glimpse of the entire valley and surrounding peaks.  And yes, the ski huts had outdoor seating to enjoy your glühwein with the view.  This pic was again taken from a ski lift.  Just a brilliant ride up each time.

Here's a view from one of the huts - the highest one in the area.  It was really cold up here, but there was a good 6 inches of fresh snow, so nobody was complaining.  Because the runs are a bit shorter than usual, if you really motor downhill you'll have a bit of a different pace than other destinations.  Shorter trips down, but shorter intervals on the lifts.  And no waiting in line.  Also, the crowd seems a bit friendlier.  Can you tell I liked this place?

The one gondola was great when the wind started whipping up strongly.  This photo was taken on the way up, and you get a great picture of a local mountain top with fresh show.  You can also see that the village is pretty small -- it doesn't stretch for kilometers like the large resorts.  There are nice (and inexpensive) hotels and pensions in the area, and a handful of restaurants/bars.  not a lot, but just enough.

So Defereggental is NOT the place for socialite skiing, apres ski bunnies, nor for the wannabe racers in the family or those dying for the blackest of the black runs across car-sized moguls.  However, for what it is, it's great:  an inexpensive, relaxed, uncrowded destination that let's you enjoy skiing more than waiting in line.

The End of Krapfen, the Beginning of Starkbier

While the Brazilians were dancing the samba and the Americans throwing beads, the Germans were wearing costumes, drinking in the streets, and having one last krapfen. Yep, Faschingdienstag...at least here in Munich...other regions call it by different names.

The Fasching center of Germany is in Köln and Düsseldorf, but it still is celebrated throughout many cities. In Köln, the Fasching season begins at 11:00 on November 11th, though the big celebrations take place the week or so before Fasching Tuesday.  In many ways, it's similar to the non-tourist part of Mardi Gras....committees, a ball season, etc.

In Munich, one of the Fat Tuesday traditions is the Dance of the Market Women (Tanz der Markt Frauen) which takes place at 11:00 in the Viktualienmarkt (farmers market). It began in the early 1900s with the women dancing in front of their stalls in the market, and now is a small show performed on the site of the Viktualienmarkt beer garden. The rest of the area is filled with stalls selling food, beer, champagne, and cocktails. Most people come out in costumes and enjoy a lovely Tuesday morning party. Many shops close early for the day and I doubt productivity is high in most offices.

As I was waiting for a package to be delivered, I wasn't able to get there early enough to take good pictures of the dancers. You can find photos from several years on the city of Munich's site.

The scene in Marienplatz and most larger squares was similar - food and drink stands, stages with performances and music, and the stone plazas covered with confetti.

It was a beautiful day and for a few hours midday felt like spring had come.

 

Then at night on Marienplatz, the Fasching decorations came alive.

 
In the spirit of learning about new cultures, Herr J and I went the French and British route of "Pancake Tuesday."

Though many villages in the UK and Ireland have all kinds of fun festivities and traditions such as pancake races, what is common is eating the last of the starchy, fatty, tasty things that you will be foregoing dring Lent. We made crepes and used bad stuff from our cupboard....ham and cheese, followed by Nutella crepes. We were too lost in the joy of Nutella to take pictures. Sorry! (Plus, my crepe-making skills are not so pretty yet)

German Beer Tournament - One Last Helles Round

For the last of the Helles first rounds, we have Hofbräu Original vs Löwenbräu Original and Chiemseer Hell vs Augustiner Lagerbier Hell.

We love Augustiner, especially at the beer gartens and restaurants. Augustiner restaurants are not as numerous as Paulaner and some of the other breweries, but you can always count on them having top quality food. So, we had high expectations of Augustiner in this tournament.

Augustiner has been brewed in Munich since 1328, first brewed by the Augustinian monks, and now privately. Augustiner is notorious for putting quality above all else. Legend has it that when Munich's unusually hot summer led to the breweries running out of beer, Augustiner refused to brew extra beer through a shortened process (as did most other breweries) because they would not trade quality and process in order to sell more beer. Unfortunately, this also means Augustiner is somewhat difficult to find in the US. It is availalble in some places, but in limited quantities. In Texas, due to a dispute over labelling with the TABC, Augustiner decided that selling beer in TX was not worth changing anything.

Chiemseer was a beer we didn't know before. It looks and sounds a bit like Tegernseer, which is one of the top beers in the area. Unfortunately their website is down, so there isn't much info available.

While it would have been a tough climb for any beer opposing Augustiner, this was no contest. It's possible we got a bad bottle, but this beer just was not good. It tasted bitter - not a hoppy bitterness, but a bitterness with a slight chemical taste. So far, it's the one beer we've tasted that we can say we did not enjoy. I guess to be fair, we should try another one sometime, but we have so many other beers to taste that this will have to wait.

Then we have two of the most internationally known Munich beers - Hofbräu and Löwenbräu. Hofbräu, of course, is known more for the Hofbräuhaus and its Oktoberfest tent. Löwenbräu has brand recoginition as it shares the same name as a bad American beer.

According to its history, Hofbräu was founded in 1589 by Duke Wilhelm V because he was tired of the cost of importing beer and he did not like any of the Munich beers brewed at the time. Hard to imagine, as Augustiner and Weihenstephaner were around....but that's the official story.  

Though the Löwenbräu name is not found on documents before the 1740's, there are references to a brewery going back to the late 14th century. It was one of the early pioneers among German beers in pushing for strong presence in the English-speaking markets abroad. I wasn't a beer drinker in the 70s and 80s, but supposedly it was very popular in the US. However, the reputation of American Löwenbräu I have always known was not as good beer...From the 70s until 2002, Miller brewed Löwenbräu under a licensing agreement and they included corn in the recipe, and I suspect different hops. However, today the Löwenbräu you'll find in the US is exported from Germany. After much consolidation in the beer industry, Löwenbräu is now the Spaten-Franziskaner-Löwenbräu Group, and part of InBev.

We weren't really sure which of these two we would prefer. I have to admit we both were a little prejudiced against both beers. Of course, they're pretty good beers in an absolute world, but in the world of Munich that includes Augustiner, Tegernseer, and wonderful weißbiers, they would not be our first choice. I actually put them in a first round match together in order to give them both an equal chance to advance.

These are two relatively similar beers, and surprisingly good. We found the Löwenbräu to have a crisper taste and the Hofbräu a little more hoppy, thus sent the Löwenbräu to the next round against Augustiner.

This is where the real shocker of the tournament comes...and proof that this is a blind tasting!  Based on our beer garden experiences, there are few things better than sitting under the Augustinerkeller's chesnut trees in summer, drinking a cool helles. While the food and atmosphere at the Löwenbräukeller's little beer garden are among our favorites (their schnitzel is full of buttery goodness!), the beer is not great.
When we tasted the two together, it was very difficult to pick a winner. But the Löwenbräu was just a tiny bit tastier and it took out one of the tournament favorites!

It makes me wonder....does Augustiner put their best beer in kegs for the beer gardens and Löwenbräu puts their best beer in bottles for sale???? Either way, Augustiner is still a great beer - one of my favorites here - and you really can't go wrong going to an Augustiner restaurant or beer garden.

So it will be Löwenbrau vs Tegernseer in the contest to move on to the Elite Eight. I'm looking forward to that tasting!

Your secret, alter-ego names

I have to admit - some children's games are still pretty cool 25 years later.  I was recently reminded of one interesting kid's activity, but didn't remember all the details.  A Web search resulted in only a few hits, so I consolidated what I could and edited things to make it work better...

The "game" is discovering the names of your alter egos / secret identities.
Here are some of the formulas and how it turned out for me:

YOUR ACTION HERO NAME:
(first name of a main character in the last movie you watched + last food you ate)

Because of the formula, this changes depending on what you ate and watched most recently.
I got the following:

- Harry Pasta  (Sounds too much like a bizzaro Harry Potter)
- Albus Zwiebelrostbraten (German foods just don't work too well here...)
- Jason Satay (Sounds like a character from The Office U.S., but not too bad)
- Bourne Goulash (Just plain strange.)
- Bud Flammkuchen? (again, foreign food didn't work out)
- Jim Couscous (Not so great either.)

Verdict:  There is potential here, but just doesn't work in practice.  Especially with English names and foreign foods.

ACTION HERO [VARIATION]:
(first name of your favorite living politician + your favorite gemstone)

I got the following:  Chris Diamond

Verdict:  Not bad! Certainly better than the first formula.

BARFLY NAME:
(last snack food you ate + your favorite drink)

I got the following:  Cookies Margarita, Spekulatius Schorle (German)

Verdict:  Makes me sound like a poser or a floozy.  Guess it works!

CRIMINAL/MAFIA/STRIPPER NAME:
(name of your favorite perfume/cologne + favorite candy bar)

I got:  Aqua de Gio Nussini, Polo Reeces

Frau A got: Burberry Brit Crunchie (probably shorten to Burberry Brit or Brit Crunchie)

Verdict:  Kinda funny, actually.  In a cheesy mafia movie sort of way.

DETECTIVE NAME:
(favorite color + favorite animal)

I got:  Blue Wolf

Frau A got: Green Leopard

Verdict:  It's as funny as you find the Pink Panther or Sgt. Friday.  Think Saturday morning cartoons.

DETECTIVE/POLITICIAN NAME VARIATION:
(name of grade/highschoool + county,  not country, where you grew up... or switch these around as needed)

I got:  Dudley, Perrin, Deland, Monroe... Wow!  they ALL work in almost any order!

Frau A:  wow, way too many schools and counties..... Frederica Glynn, Hutchison Shelby, Stratford Tift...I think we'll stop with three 

Verdict:  The best one so far!  Probably because so many schools and counties are named after historical persons.

EASTERN NAME - warning, complex formula and definitely NOT politically correct:
(2nd letter of your first name + 3rd letter of your last name + any letter of your middle name
+ 2nd letter of your moms maiden name + 3rd letter of you dads middle name
+ 1st letter of a siblings first name + last letter of your moms middle name)

I got: Erolese

Frau A got: Nahaish (Not really sure what they mean by "Eastern"....doesn't sound Eastern European or East Asian. Maybe Middle Eastern, though not so much either)

Verdict:  Pretty good, if pronounced with the right accent. Who the heck came up with this formula anyway?

EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS:
(favorite spice + last vacation spot visited)

I got:  Cilantro Maldives (but an herb?), Chile Male, Chile Doha

Frau A got:  Cardamom Maldives

Verdict:  Nope, just not funny.  Except Chile Male, that elicits a smile at least.  The vacation spot is the weak link here.  Wonder what would work better...?

GHETTO NAME - warning, NOT politically correct:
(first 2 or 3 letters of your first name & -Shawn/-Quan/-Quita/-Niqua
+ last name of whatever President or Prime Minister is on the currency you have in your pocket/wallet)

I got:  JeShawn Merkel (using German Prime Minister), JeQuan Van Rompuy (using Pres of the European Council)

Frau A got: Anniqua Merkel

Verdict:  Assuming everyone understands this is a harmless joke, it's really funny.  Sounds like characters on Saturday Night Live. 

HIPPIE NAME:
(what you ate for breakfast + your favorite tree)

I got:  Pretzel Oak, Butter-Breze Eiche (German)

Frau A got:  Käsekrainer Poplar

Verdict:  Again, foreign names/foods kill the joke.  I do like Pretzel Oak though.  Pass the granola!

MOB NAME:
(Dad's name + favorite Italian restaurant)

I got:  Lew La Scala

Frau A: Don Zanotti 

Verdict:  Great stuff.  This is clever and funny.  Probably too easy, because of the Italian restaurant name, but hey...it's a kids' game after all...

NASCAR NAME:
(first name of your mother's dad + father's dad)

Verdict:  Let's just say we self-edited content -- trust me, you didn't want to read the result. 

OPPOSITE SEX NAME:
(name of [opposite sex] friend + phone company you use)

I got:  Jennifer Vodafone

Frau A: Paul Telekom

Verdict:  Terrible.  Who decided to use the phone company in the formula?

PORN NAME:
(1st pet, a street you grew up on)

I got:  Thor Heatherwood

Frau A got:  Si St. Clair

Verdict:  For me, it is unbelievably great.  Thor Heatherwood?  Name says it all.  Frau A's is pretty funny too, but a little too much like a character in the board game Clue.

ROCK STAR NAME:
(current pets name + current street name)

I got:  Buda Prinz, Lyka Prinz

Frau A got:  Loki Sendlinger, Gus Sendlinger

Verdict:  This has potential... but I'm not convinced just yet.  Gave a chuckle, but not really memorable.

ROCK STAR VARIATION:
(your first pet & current car)

I got:  Lyka Bahn

Frau A got:  I have the same "car" as Herr J...it's called Munich Public Transportation.... Si S-Bahn?

Verdict:  There HAS to be a better algorithm for Rock Star names, right?  This is bad.  Although Frau A's is getting better the more I hear it...

ROCKSTAR TOUR:
("The” + your fave hobby/craft + your fave weather element + “Tour”)

I got:  The Trekking Sun Tour

Frau A: The Cooking Sun Tour

Verdict:  Mine is, well, interesting.  Frau A's is a total fail.  Not impressed with this formula.

SOAP OPERA Name:
(middle name, city where you were born)

I got:  Tom Rochester

Frau A:  Elizabeth Columbus

Verdict:  Not bad.  City name is a good choice for this algorithm, especially for me.

SOCIALITE NAME:
(silliest childhood nickname + first town where you partied)

I got:  Einstein Evanston (it's easy to get that childhood nickname when you play football and study even a little)

Verdict:  No, I did NOT get that name because I am so smart.  It came from some football players (low standards).  And no, the formula does not work so well. 

SPORTS NICKNAME:
("The" + favorite car maker + second favorite animal)

I got:  The Porsche Dolphin

Verdict:  Huh?  Car maker?  Animal?  The logic of this one escapes me, or maybe this is more like sports nicknames in the 1950s and 1960s?

SPY NAME:
(middle name + county, not country, where you grew up)

I got:  Tom Monroe

Frau A: Elizabeth Glynn

Verdict:  Nice!  Again, when you use counties, you get those general yet regal sounding names.

STAR WARS VARIATION X:
(the first 3 letters of your last name & first 2 letters of your first name
+ first 2 letters of mom's maiden name & first 3 letters of the town you grew up in)

Verdict:  Did not work for either Frau A or myself.  Not worth the electrons to show the results.  Bad formula.

STAR WARS JEDI NAME:
(First syllable of mothers maiden name & first syllable of city born in + mom's name spelled backwards)

I got:  Al Ro Ydnic

Frau A: Haco Yllas

Verdict:  the creator of this formula was on crack... but good crack I guess.  Kinda works!

Well, that was a great (and I truly mean that in the purest sense of the word) waste of time.  Good regression therapy.  Hope your results are even better.  Feel free to share the good ones with us all