Dragon Sunsets

It was our last day on Rangali Island in the Malives.

For our last sunset here, we were treated to THREE different dragons in the clouds as the sun went down.

Thanks to a storm blowing in across the lagoon, the depth of the clouds was unusual, and the sky as if it were on fire. A good way to end a wonderful vacation!

Chinese Dragon

Disney Dragon

Mean Dragon, about to eat a puppy

And a couple photos of that evening's sunset

Happy Gummi Thanksgiving!

We've skipped fall here and gone straight into winter, but I'm wishing all you a beautiful fall day full of friends, family, food, and football...you know, the good things in life!

The (evil) Zahlteller

In the article on my Corporate Cafeteria, I noted that my company has a small convenience store on site.  It is here that I met my arch enemy.  The old check out lady with the “zahlteller”.  I will battle against her and the forces of crappy customer service until my last breath.

The On-Site Convenience Store

First I will say that it is nice to have a small convenience store on the corporate campus.  If someone has a birthday, there are cards, streamers, paper plates/plastic utensils, and snack foods & drinks available.  Breakfast buns and muffins are available, and if you miss lunch you can get a sandwich and something to drink.  There is an ice-cream freezer for summer treats and a generic section with toiletries too.

Actually, the beverage section is pretty interesting for its location on a corporate campus.  Check out the wine & prosecco selection - it"s probably 15% of the entire tiny store!  

The beer cooler is not huge, but they do have major brands of Helles, Weissbier, Pilsner, and alcohol-free.  Even better, you can pre-order cases of beer for an office party.  I’ve attended a few where the celebrant ordered three cases of Augustiner, another three of Fransiskaner, added six bottles of prosecco, and had the cafeteria cater with some warm snack food.  Nice!

 

On-site convenience, decent selection of goods… so what’s the problem?

The Zahlteller Experience

Let me introduce you to the “zahlteller”, literally, the “counting plate”.  The zahlteller is near the end of the conveyor belt on which the groceries move, between the belt and the scanner in reach between both the customer and the cashier.  (Of course, you do know that in Germany you always bag your own groceries, right? And hurry up, the customers behind you are waiting impatiently!)  You'll see it at the bottom of this photo:  

 

This plate comes in many shapes and sizes, and usually has a brand or product printed on it.  In this case it is for a German brand of chocolate, Milka.  Some acrylic ones allow stores to change the advertisement.  I’m guessing the stores get these free or possibly even receive a small stipend for using a specific type or ad.  Some are flat, some curved, some simple, some fancy.  

               

The theoretical purpose of the teller is to make counting money easier, especially coins.  One party would place either payment or change on the plate, and the other can quickly count it and slide it off onto their hand.  Basically a process step for quality control.  I don’t have a problem with the concept, it’s the implementation.  My first experiences went like this.

Cashier:  [your total is] 5 euros and 40 cents (puts her hand over the plate)

Me:  (puts the payment in her hand, 6 euros)

Cashier:  Danke.  (slams the change on the zahlteller)  Next please!

I scrape the coins off the plate and the person behind me gets on my ass to encourage me to move along (no matter how fast you are, it’s never fast enough).  I’m left wondering:  is the plate only for her to use?  Why not me?

So the next time I purchase something, I blatantly stretch out my arm with an open hand to get the change.  Without looking, the cashier slams the change on the plate again.  The time thereafter, I place my open hand DIRECTLY OVER THE PLATE, and she takes considerable effort to slide her hand under mine and put the change on the plate again.

Finally, on the fourth go-around, I prepare lots of small change (rather than pay with a bill) and when she tells me the total, I went under her hand and slammed the change on the plate.  Her look was daggers, and the exchange went like this:

Cashier:  Put it in my hand next time.

Me:  But I always have my hand out and you never to that for me.  Why is it good enough for you but not for me?

Cashier:  (Glowering)  Next please!

It’s funny that when I was looking for pictures for this post that I found this from Switzerland.  That’s all I wanted!  I later found that this is similar in Italy... and those in the industry have a different take altogether. 

          

Links:  Change Plates in Italy, and thoughts on Point-of-Sale Chang Management 

Not surprisingly, the American firms here don’t do this mutch (e.g., Starbucks).  Many German shops also have let the practice go, so perhaps it was a generational thing.  Or perhaps this specific store had some customers complain about getting wrong change so they force their cashiers to stick to such a process.  In any event, for the next time you see a zahlteller, you have been warned.

I Found Nemo at Media Markt

I've been in serious need of a USB drive to replace my last one....let's just say it's from back when a 128 MB thumbdrive was considered large....

But it's not something you ever remember to buy and I hadn't seen any that really said "BUY ME!!!" until I saw this guy. I know clownfish don't really speak, but he got the message across loud and clear

"The Onion" style vacation report

Tourist faces criminal charges, awaiting extradition if found

A woman identified only as "Frau A" returned to Munich from a two-week holiday in the Maldives, but now has more problems than just sorting out hundreds of vacation photos.  Rather than simply enjoying a quite time in this island paradise, locals are claiming that she was a serial stalker that did nothing but harass inhabitants day and night.

According to Maldivian authorities, a large number of grievances were logged on Rangali Island and its surrounding reefs.  Reports indicate that Frau A routinely followed and photographed victims for hours at a time, even into in their private homes.  Nobody was spared - the list of complainants includes nearly every size, age, and race found among the natives.

The most chilling examples from her victims are described below:

"I was just hanging out under my favorite coral, when Frau A comes out of nowhere and sticks a camera in my face."

"I just try to blend in and mind my own business, but she has an eagle-eye and always finds me."

"I'm not colorful or flashy like others in the neighborhood, but Frau A poked her camera in my home anyway.  The surgeonfish and parrotfish must be tormented."

The experience left some residents so traumatized that they would only peek their heads through doors to speak with the news.  "Even my security system didn't help.  I'm afraid to let the kids outside."

"At least some clowns out here have a place to hide.  I'm stuck looking for holes in the coral."

"It's terrifying.  How would you feel to round a corner and be faced with this???"

Indeed, Frau A appears to be a highly sophisticated fauna-paparazza.  She employs the latest technology in her quest to capture images of locals.  Here she is seen with a kit of compressed air, 2-stage regulators, and buoyancy compensator to reach normally uninhabitable regions.

Even the toughest residents were unnerved by her incessant photography.  "It's cliched, but I tried crawling under a rock.  No luck - there she was again."

For some, the stakes were even higher.  "I felt pretty secure, until I heard that she planned a lobster barbeque on the beach.  It's not fair!"

The loudest complaints came from the stingray community, where accusations included unwanted groping.  "She put her foot over my favorite resting place, so I had to swim up and rest on it.  I felt violated."

Not all share the same viewpoint, however.  "I followed her around a bit - she's not so bad.  Just didn't give me any handouts, is all."

The Rangali Island Neighborhood Watch program has asked for your help - let the authorities know if you were stalked and photographed by this woman.  Be careful, she is considered camera-ready and dangerous.

Update:  Law enforcement has learned that Frau A worked with an accomplice called Herr J.  They want to find him and bring him in for questioning.  "Protective shell or not, I knew he was out there... helping her... looming..."

Eccentric Gazillionaire Dreams

What crazy things would you do if you were an eccentric gazillionaire?

A lot of people would have sharks with lasers à la Dr. Evil, or just sharks under the living room floor like Vector from "Despicable Me". After a couple of weeks at the beach, I know what I would do:

I want a reef-sized "aquarium" with lots of Triggerfish.  Some sharks would be cool, too, but I really want Triggerfish. They're not only beautiful, but highly intelligent and seeming to have distinct personalities.

I'd have lots of the cute little blue scaredy-cat Red-Toothed Triggerfish that hide in mini caves....

Red-Toothed Triggerfish

...more Red-Toothed Triggerfish (one of the four has already slid into a hole to hide)...

....adorable little Picasso Triggerfish....

Picasso Triggerfish

...brightly painted Clown Triggerfish.....

Clown Triggerfish...interestingly colored Orange-lined Triggerfish....

Orange-lined Triggerfish

....and of course, the big smart Titans that root around everywhere and just look squeezable.  Wouldn't he be an entertaining pet? 

I took this video while snorkeling through the reef just off our room's beach. He also has an Orange-lined friend there to catch his scraps.

Also there will be rays that I can raise from babies to know me and feed in the morning.  And Herr J wants a pet octopi or two.

Ray hiding in the sandHowever, this requires lots of space and diverse terrain.  Triggerfish need space because they don't play well together (putting it nicely).  The Red-Toothed ones need deeper water and walls with lots holes to hide in, while the Picasso are happy with a small coral formation shallow water. And the rays need a nice shallow sandy area to hang out.

More importantly, as I learned from watching one last week, Triggerfish eat hermit crabs, and hermit crabs are kinda cute. And of course I want to keep both of them.  This is where both the "eccentric" and the "gazillionaire" part are important, because the only solution I see is to get custom manufactured military grade ceramic shells for the hermit crabs to protect them from the Triggerfish. In a wide range of sizes to allow for growth, of course. 

(All of the above pictures are ones I took diving or snorkeling in the Maldives)

I think for now I'll keep diving and will see about Umbra's cool stackable fish condos, but I'm curious to know all of your eccentric gazillionaire dreams.

German Beer, American-style Bottle?

One of the Erdinger Brewery's nine beer offerings is the Erdinger Champ, described on their website as "the cool Weißier."

(I'm not going to even get into how bad the translation is on Erdinger's own English website....it would be a very long post.  Though I may have to write them and let them know how they're really missing the meaning.)

 

However, I think the bottle design may be really cool and innovative.  It's your typical American-style longneck bottle, but according to their website:

"features an integrated opener on the bottom for extra convenience. Simply place one Erdinger Champ on top of another to twist open the bottom bottle. As you can see, it's always best to order two bottles and enjoy Erdinger Champ in company!"

Sure, it's a bit unnecessary in Texas, where most beers are twist-off or you can always find an Aggie whose class ring serves as an emergency beer opener, but it's a cool idea.

The reviews of the beer are pretty bad and as I've never seen it sold or advertised anywhere despite being introduced 10 years ago with a heavy marketing campaign, I doubt it's done very well. In fact it might be a good candidate for a Marketing or Strategy case study about how (not) to position your product....

But my first thought upon seeing this on the Erdinger site was "Is this supposed to be like an American beer?" It may seem minor, but the shape and size of the bottle, plus the fact that it is meant to be drunk from the bottle, are nearly heretical here in southern Bavaria.  There are both a proper glass and a proper way to pour a Weißier.

Erdinger Champ, in its 0.33 mL longneck

Erdinger, in the standard 0.5 mL bottle and glass

As much as I may mock the rules sometimes, we have seen that temperature and pouring method DO actually affect the taste (and probably the glass shape, though we haven't tested those yet).  In reality, most German beers will give you a good beer experience however you pour them, but it is possible to optimize the experience if you want.

 
What is the proper way to pour a Weißier?

Here we have "Brother Helmut" to help us out

And a very non-traditional, but totally accurate mechanical version for all you boys who like toys