Sex in die Stadt

 From our Schnitzelbahn guest-blogger, BB:

   

IS MODESTY DEAD?

Perhaps it is only dying. Nevertheless, our European cousins have a different take on this matter which is pervasive throughout human history. Where is the line between flirtatious, provocative, art, practical, decadent? Greek and Roman baths, well, chronicles and poems suggest that maybe a little more than bathing was going on! And the Victorians? They didn’t bathe at all but some of the best bodice-rippers were written in the era. Sex appears to always have been a subject for scandalous behavior among royalty and our leaders and politicians and the chic of today have honed the art.

So a lighthearted seasonal firsthand look at modesty – (literally)

While reading on a quiet shaded bench in Munich’s English Garden beside one of the Isar’s meandering canals, a group of 20 something back packers  stopped their trek and disrobed and jumped in the water, soaped up, splashed a little and squealed a bit for the cold water and proceeded to lay out au natural in the rays. My college days were missing this experience.  But I have to say, it seemed quite normal to them, oblivious to each other‘s bodies and me and other park strollers. Ok, I enjoyed the show.

Skimpy Ladies’ fashion season. De rigueur is the short skirt or shorts topped off by a clingy stretch fabric Tee, two sizes too small over a push up pink or purple bra! Is it Britney, Miley, Lady Gaga influence? (Pardon the pun but my male American colleagues are Gaga). So is the fashion inspired by the desire to be “cool” or just cool? The biggest tip off of the American tourist are the gawkers, puberty to geezer. Europeans stroll by looking at maps, buildings and always on their cell phones.

Let’s not forget the clothes optional\nude beaches. These are not girls gone wild beaches. They are a mix of sun worshipers who mostly should be wearing clothes.  Particularly the guys and will someone explain how Speedo remains profitable?? To each his own, it’s a nice idea but thank God for mirrors.

I happened to be a guest at a world famous Spa in Baden Baden. It’s nestled in the hills deep in the Black Forest in a convenient location to the Germans, French and Swiss not known for their prudishness.  Well there were a few American rich there too. The scene is a gorgeous indoor\outdoor infinity edge pool. Incredibly elegant tropical motif inside and a stunning view outside of a seasonal color fest fringed with the first dusting of snow. I counted 32 people in chaises and a few at the pool dangling their toes. All are chatting, reading newspapers, magazines, kindles or laptops. So in walks real life Barbie herself from an adjacent massage cubicle clad in a short terry cloth robe and Sarah Jessica spikes.  She walks to a chaise, drops the robe, slips out of the heels and proceeds to wade into the pool from the infinity edge wearing nothing but a thong that would make a Brazilian blush. Newspapers fold up, magazines close, a Kindle is dropped, and a laptop closes. Interestingly it is the Americans who so act as the Europeans seemingly have no reaction. In the spirit of honesty and transparency, I closed my magazine.

Ah winter! Skiing, hot tubs, saunas and après ski.  I am with several couples in various stages of relationship at the Austrian resort, Zell am See and the plan is to meet at the hot tub after skiing. The ladies are clad in rather conservative bikinis and the men, thank God, in normal trunks. After a few beers (plastic cups) and the usual lies the suggestion is made that we do the sauna. We enter a room where a small sign reminds us that one must disrobe and there is a fresh stack of clean towels. No one but me is in any way concerned. Two ladies wrap a towel around their waist. The rest of the guys and gals just throw one over their shoulder. Uuh, except me, I’m wrapped and holding it with two hands! So I diligently tried to follow the rule about eye contact. But I peeked. My towel was sort of loosely in my lap as I wanted to look uninhibited.  Actually to my delight the showers were separate but back to the same unisex dressing room!

So on to après ski. I had to bring it up, "Are you guys comfortable with the sauna scene?" The looks I got were as if I had asked if Mother Theresa dated Hugh Hefner. One gal unleashed on me, “That’s the trouble with you Americans; you can’t separate the body and nudity from sex!”

So in the end, I’m confused, mystified. She has a point. Nude art is all over the Vatican. It’s even in American museums. Even Mary had breasts and Jesus had a penis. So what exactly is it. Is it just cultural; are we guilt ridden due to religious teaching? Do we make too much of a big deal about it? I guess I’m in the middle. I’m comfortable around handsome and pretty nudes…. As long as my clothes are on or I can control my towel!

Return of the Sitzpinkel – The Toilet Ghost

I've been away a few days...enjoying parents' visit, wrapping up the last week at work, and of course celebrating Oktoberfest (weisswurst and weissbier brunch today was visit #8 this year - a new record!)

And of course this evening's conversation again turned to the familiar topic:

Upon further investigation, we discovered this phenomenon has a name, and a deeper explanation: It’s called The Sitzpinkel, and according to my Theory of Germany # 273 “If There’s a Word For It In German, It Must Happen Regularly,” this must be more than an isolated practice.

My friend H, who has male German roommates confirms that it’s pretty common in shared or student housing to have this rule. I remember the average level of cleanliness of guys’ houses in college….this makes pretty good sense in those circumstances!

But we may have to attribute the uniquely German practice to the also unique and much dreaded German shelf toilet. Dreaded by tourists and those not previously instructed in its use, that is….

…I’ll just send you over to the guy who best explains it, but this design seems to have higher splash potential and maybe makes it more of a conflict source that it is elsewhere with different toilets.

Similar to the “no feet on the toilet seat” signs in Asia, you can find here “Here men must sit” signs. There are even little gadgets available to aid in training your man or son. “The Little Toilet Ghost” plays a loud warning (hear it here) when the seat is lifted, including German, English, and Dutch warnings of “Don’t you go wetting this floor, Cowboy! You never know who’s behind you, so sit down, get your water pistol in the bowl, where it belongs!”

This device claims to be the friend of the Hausfrau and the “enemy of the standing-to-pee-man” (WC Geist – Der Stehpinklerfiend)

And just so that you future visitors are not scared off – my apartment has “normal” American style toilets and men may stand...

Oktoberfest Gummis

In honor of Oktoberfest, The Bavaria Mix:    

 

Man Purses - Part 2

Herr J is beginning to understand female logic.  

Herr J:   I can’t figure out what man purse goes with suits at work and also with jeans/shorts on the weekend

Me:       Well, of course not. That’s why no one has just one purse!

Herr J:   Wow, I understand now!.....umm, I’m afraid.

It was a very proud moment. I didn’t want to scare him, so I kept to myself that the minimum really is 3 bags…both brown and black to match his shoes and belt at work, plus a casual bag.  

German Beer Wars - Round 1

It turns out that choosing the beers was the easy part…pairing beer and food takes a bit more thought.  Not as easy as wine and food…

For our first round, we went with pairs of Schwarzbier and Dunkelbier.  Both are dark and much more malty than hoppy, and my first thought was cheese.  A dark beer need some cream and fat to stand up to it and bring out the flavors.

So, inspired by The German Beer Institute and the discovery of the beautiful cheese selection at my local Manufactum (English / German), I went with a Schwarzbier Cheese Fondue, garlic shrimp tapas, brie, and prosciutto.  For dipping, we used toasted french bread and ham-wrapped toast.

  

And the surprising winner was Paulaner Original Münchener Dunkel.  Surprising, because we expected one of the smaller breweries to have a superior beer.  But Paulaner pulled through to the Sweet Sixteen with a very balanced and tasty Dunkelbier. The Flensburger was nice, but had a strong, single flavor. The Paulaner had a much more complex, but perfectly balanced, blend of various flavors.  It's extremely drinkable!

Both Schwarzbiers were good, with the Mönchshof having a slightly more aggressive taste.  Schwarzbier overall was a good discovery - I plan on cooking with it in the future and enjoying the extra! 

        

Recipes:

Schwarzbier Fondue Recipe:

12 oz. / 355 mL Schwarzbier

12 oz. (4 cups) / 450g mix of shredded cheese (recommend Gruyere and Emmenthaler)

2 Tbsp / 12-15g flour (substitute cornstarch for gluten free)

A pinch each of ground nutmeg, black pepper, and cloves

1 Tbsp Kirsch or Vodka (optional)

Heat beer in pot. Coat shredded cheese in flour (using a large Ziploc bag is easiest). Gradually add floured cheese to the beer, stirring constantly until cheese just melts. (Don’t let it get too hot, or the cheese will ball up.) Stir in spices and (optional) Kirsch. Transfer to fondue pot for warming and serving. 

Make sure not to let the mixture cool too much before serving or the cheese may become stringy.

Serve with toasted bread cubes, crackers, breadsticks, or Ham-Wrapped Toast. 

Ham-Wrapped Toast: (Herr J’s invention)

Good quality bread (french, seven grain, and ciabatta work well)

Dry-cured ham, such as proscuitto or serrano

Manchego cheese (optional)

Cut bread into bite-sized rectangles and lightly toast in oven (top with thin slices of manchego before toasting, if using).  Take out and wrap each toast piece across the middle with a strip of ham. Return to oven and toast until ham is warmed and bread edges are crisp.

Gummi Bears

After beer and cars, gummi bears are one of Germany’s biggest contributions to the world.  Einstein and Martin Luther were pretty influential too, but everyone loves Hans Riegel and his little Gold Bears!

They’re everywhere – bears instead of mints at restaurants, blue peppermint gummi bears on my pillow in a hotel, and reportedly free in the German parliament’s cafeteria (legend has it Konrad Adenauer was never without them). 

You can find Trolli and HARIBO (founded by Hans Riegel from Bonn, Germany) brands in most food stores, but there are many dedicated gummi bear stores.  They come in every shape and flavor, even wine gummis, prosecco gummis, vegetarian and halal, sugar-free, and vitamin-packed gummis for the kiddos. Something for everyone...

I live above Bears and Friends. They specialize in gummis made in Bavaria from select ingredients, with real fruit juice and no artificial dyes. Both the “made in Bavaria” and the natural ingredients aspects go a long way here, but those are topics for another day...   

Animal, vegetable, mineral – they have it all. Even some NSFW gummis, two words I didn’t expect to hear together. For now I’ll leave you with the Sea Creature Gummis. The sharks were really tasty!

Meerestiere ("Sea Creatures")

Kitchen Calculus

Well, I haven’t gone so far as to calculate rates of change and to-the-millisecond time to cook eggs at different altitudes (there’s a best-selling German iPhone app for that, plus I hate hate HATE eggs), but I’m shocked how much math I use in the kitchen!

Herr J laughs at my cooking using calculator, scale, charts, and tape measure.  The tape measure doesn’t get too much use, but the calculator gets a real workout.  Even simple cooking is a bit of an adventure….the recipes are usually in American, the ingredients sold in metric, and the oven in Celsius. Or the recipes are really large and I want to make a smaller amount.  For even more fun, most European recipes measure by weight; American by volume.  For pastry and such things requiring precise ratios or relying on chemical reactions, this is a must. But beyond those, it seems one more example of the need to be as exact as possible (link to article on precision). Whatever the reason, I’m a convert. My trusty kitchen scale shows grams and ounces, and I love it! 

My first macaron attempt nearly ended upon reading the first ingredient....“900g of egg whites, how the $%@# do I know how many eggs that is??!”. But the dream of tasty macaron-y goodness won me over, and instead I bought a dozen eggs and a scale. And after cracking about 10 of them and not being even close to 900g, out came the calculator to reduce the recipe.  Problem solved, and shockingly tasty and pretty salted caramel macarons.

I finally resorted to just taping a chart to the backsplash behind the stove. I still need the calculator, but at least I don’t have to run to the computer to look up how many mL to an ounce to a cup and F° to C°. The Smart Baker is selling useful aprons or towels with common kitchen conversions.  Great idea, but there are no metric conversions.

I’m off to buy an apron and a Sharpie…..