Choice: Less Is More

An expat's trip to the US is rarely a holiday or an opportunity to see somewhere new. It usually consists of (1) Visiting family and friends, and (2) shopping.

Each time I go home, my list of must-haves is smaller and smaller. In some cases, I've found reasonable substitutes here; in others, I've decided I just don't care so much anymore. Upon arriving home from 2 weeks in NY, I exclaimed to Herr J "But my bags were 8 kg below the limit...I could have fit so much more!" I guess this is a good sign...I've been working to deplete the stocks in my closet and I've realized there are only a few things I need from home.

Still on the list...

But what always strikes me is the sheer number of varieties of the same product. And I think it's gotten worse.

I have sensory overload when I go to CVS or Wallgreens (don't even get me started on Target!!). I just stand at the shelves with no idea what to buy because there are 28 different choices for each product, and I'm usually just thankful to find one of something where I understand what the product is! Now there are about 10 different varieties of Sudafed, plus an equal number of the store brand and 5 variations on how many pills in the box. Yet, they're pretty much the same - the good stuff behind the counter, or the weaker stuff on the shelf. Luckily I got to CVS an hour before closing.... I wanted to buy the classic St. Ive's Apricot Scrub, but now there are different formulations of it, plus the store brand. While of course I want to make my own decisions, I now see the space that advertising and magazines fill in trying to convince me what to buy!! If the marketing people weren't out there telling me how their product is differentiated from the others, how would I know what to buy?

The choice is just too much for me sometimes. And I'm realizing that a lot of things in life are like this.

For example, I've taken quite a few trips in the past month, and while I feel each time the packing is better, I still end up having packed things I never wear on a trip, and it's still a decision what to wear in the morning. I'm a pretty careful packer....I had a carryon and a half-empty small checked bag for a 2 week business trip. But still I had too much.

Our trip to Finland was an interesting experiment...Given that the temperature was mostly below freezing and the activities outdoors, the lodge provided clothing. Socks, boots, gloves, fleece, coats, hats - everything! All I packed for a 10 day trip was a couple of pairs of black leggings, 4 tops, underwear, a couple pairs of socks, a sweater, the boots I wore, and some warm long underwear. There was plenty of room left in my carry-on sized bag! The amazing thing was that I ended up with one shirt unworn. But even more amazing - getting dressed was so simple! With such a small range to choose from, life was much simpler.

A passage from Olivia Goldsmith's Fashionably Late struck me as quite true on many levels (including the impossible mission of returning anything in Europe!):

Karen had forumlated a few theories about why it was so hard for women to look comfortable and stylish. American women didn't know how to dress partly because they had too much. She remembered a French woman who had once visited Belle. Chic, elegant, and a Parisian attorney's wife, the woman had looked in Belle's closet with horror and asked: "But how can you dress well? You have too much to choose from!" As the brilliant shoe designer Manolo Blahnik had said, "It's all a question of selection, to choose less. That is something Americans do not understand. They think more is better."
Karen had observed that French women, even the middle-class ones, wore expensive clothes, but they had far fewer things than Americans and formulated their ensembles much more carefully. Of course, they learned the hard way not to make mistakes: it was next to impossible to return merchandise in Paris. Can you imagine the attitude?

The same happens here. It's changing with the advent of all the "disposable fashion" of H&M, Forever 21, and similar stores carrying low priced, trendy clothes. But in general, many Germans invest in a relatively small amount of quality clothing that will be wearable for many years. The German style is a little more classic (sometimes described as "boring") than the French (more feminine) or Italian (much more fitted, and on the flashier end of still being classic styling), but the attitude toward purchases is similar.

Even before this, I admit I have too much stuff. I have a bad habit of not wanting to throw out anything that is still functionable or wearable....though my definitions may be a bit skewed.... Also, I have almost 15 years of clothes suited to hot climates and driving everywhere. So realistically most of my clothes and almost ALL of my shoes were unsuitable for life in a cobblestoned city that has a long winter!

I've been trying to cut down and to also get rid of things that I don't or shouldn't wear. And to remember that when I replace something, I need to actually throw out the old one! I employed a new strategy during my trip to New York...I packed things that I really needed to throw out, and then I threw them out after wearing them. Socks with no elastic and small holes, too big underwear, and hair brushes that I had replaced because they were worn out (but still worked passably...). And throwing them out at the end cleared the way for chocolate chips and other goodies!

Driving in Germany and the US

From our Schnitzelbahn guest blogger, BB:

Recently I was in the United States and after almost 7 years of foreign duty the differences in traffic rules and etiquette between Americans and citizens of the Fatherland began to really take hold. With few exceptions I find that Germans, true to tradition are ardent rule followers in the traffic/auto arena.

Examples:

• After leaving my favorite Berlin Bar (Newton) very late, uh actually it was very early morning, a stranger and I approached a crossing and the pedestrian light changed to red. Not a vehicle was stirring, not even a taxi. I continued on (looking both ways, Mom) but impressively, the German waited for the light to change. Americans would generally dodge cars regardless of signal!
• Waiting at a traffic signal, I realized I was in the wrong lane. I turned on my blinker and the second car on my right just courteously allowed  me to change lanes. Recently in Dallas, with blinker, rolled down window and hand and voice pleadings, I was totally ignored except for the one single finger salute.  And the guy behind me had to have burned out his horn. So I entered the freeway into a colossal traffic jam!

The priority right of way in Germany is pedestrian, bicycle, bus, and auto. I think just the opposite in the US. Of course there are no bicycles except for the greenbelt paths where affluent folks get to show off their kids, flashy gear and expensive foreign made bikes, which is of course accretive to the bike theft industry.

There is one exception and that is taxi drivers who apparently buy off the police and are allowed to break every conceivable traffic rule with impunity.  Illegal U turns, double parking, indiscriminate lane changing, driving on pedestrian malls, speeding, illegal turns, etc. It begs the question if these guys were trained in the US.  But one point in their defense; I can communicate with English and simple German or pidgin German and do just fine with the mix of German and foreign taxi drivers here. Recently in Dallas, the airport cabbie had to call his daughter because he did not understand downtown, tall buildings, courthouse, street names, etc.

In Germany, the caution light is a signal to begin slowing and braking in anticipation of the red light.  In the US it is a signal to beat the clock which contributes to an inordinate rate of serious accidents. (I lost two friends to this ignorant attitude!)  And I like the German caution light on the green change as well. It just adds a modicum of attention, civility and order to this dangerous environment.

Germans are generally intolerant of mistakes and disregard for the rules, but it is because they generally follow them!  Ironically, my observance of the German traffic rules and laws, have served to make me a worse driver in the States.  I guess it is the fact that I cannot expect 90% of other drivers to be observant and careful.

Another incalculable benefit of the German system is safety inspections. I now drive a 12 year old Mazda that sounds like a singer sewing machine and drives like well, a 12 year old well-maintained Mazda. The point is-- one rarely sees a clunker. They just are not tolerated.

Driving in Germany is a privilege and an expensive one at that. Generally it is +- €1200 to obtain a license at the age of 18. In the US it is a rite of passage at age 16. A recent statistic was that 65% of high school juniors and seniors drive cars to school in the US vs. less than 2% in Germany.  I know, I know it’s all about public transportation.  No it’s not damnit. It’s about cost, responsibility, privilege, affluence, expectations, values and OK, parking!!

Alright, I also realize I am a pre boomer ’43, and all four of my kids had cars in HS, and I had one at 15. Would I do it all over again? I’m not so sure knowing what I know now.  I am not becoming a socialist, perhaps just more of a realist.  If I survive another 20 years, I will be interested in rockers and walkers and perhaps wear a bib. I just want most of the world to get to that point.

Milestones in Language Learning

There are certain milestones in learning a language, those moments when you feel “wow, I can communicate!” They’re particularly sweet, buried amongst all the other failures and inabilities to express yourself.

People say you have truly learned when you dream in the language. But before that we have:

• When you successfully argue with the telephone/utility companies
• When you can give directions to someone who asks you on the street
• Making small talk with strangers
• When you can help someone who asks for help

Normally, I have trouble understanding random questions from strangers  - I need context to understand, so something out of the blue can be difficult. Today, a sweet little old lady asked me in the grocery store to help her read the expiration date on a loaf of bread. She had forgotten her reading glasses. I read the date, which was yesterday’s date (odd in a German store!), and we both said that was too old. Then I looked for another loaf that was good for another week. It usually feels good to be able to help someone. It felt GREAT to finally be able to do it in German.

Why I Must Watch More TV

I find myself in a very strange situation these days. For the first time in life, I am trying to force myself to watch more television.  My goal is to get in several hours a day. It's surprisingly hard.

I’ve watched relatively little TV here, partly because my German has been too poor to understand the local TV and partly because much German TV is just American series dubbed in German. Once you've become used to an actor’s voice, it’s very distracting to watch them with a strange German voice attached!

But now I must watch more TV and movies, to improve my German.  Luckily, my cable box has an integrated DVR, so I accomplished Step One weeks ago…programming some German shows to watch. The Step Two of actually watching them has been more difficult.

So, I’m beginning with what was a 2 week nightly German event – "Ich bin ein Star – Holt mich hier aus!", Germany’s version of the British show "I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!"…and then moving on to some other classics such as "Bauer Sucht Frau" (the dating show “Farmer seeks Woman”), and Doctor’s Diary, a prime time soap with the slogan “Men are the Best Medicine.”

And of course, there are a couple of disaster movies, with this week's premiere of the long-awaited miniseries Hindenburg.

Look forward to some posts from the couch…

The Fine Line between Hoarder and Expat

The world is increasingly global....I can now find some of my favorite Thai food products in the store in Germany and I can buy Cheerios worldwide. But i can't find sugar-free Jello in Germany, and my Cheerios cost $8 per box in Bangkok. While you can buy marshmallow fluff and Pop Tarts in the grocery store, most American products have a 50-100% markup in Germany and it's a bit of a craps shoot as to freshness.

Travel takes on new dimensions when you live abroad. It becomes not only a chance to see family and friends, but also a chance to stock up on the essentials.  It's an eye-opening experience to discover about yourself (or others) what really is "essential."  This revelation came to me almost 10 years ago in a Dallas Sam's Club, pushing a large cart full of dinner napkins, jelly beans, tampons, Cheerios, Sudafed and Skoal. An odd combination of things that we couldn't buy in Bangkok, or the local products were such poor imitations as to be unsuitable substitutes. But I had a list of things I and friends and colleagues needed, and "random" is the only word that captures it.

At the time, our company allowed us one huge shipment per year. I made some big orders from drugstore.com and asked my parents to box up some other things, including napkins, paper towels (non-existent there at the time), cereal, and Mac & Cheese. Dad very kindly did that and more, sending two entire flats of paper towels from Sam's and I think 27 boxes of cereal.... Those paper towels had a long world journey, to Bangkok, back to Dallas and then to Germany, where I finally used the last roll a few months ago!

It was great having a few important comforts of home, but my walk-in pantry in Bangkok was neck-high in paper towels and cereal, and boxes of shampoo, hair products, lotion, etc.

When I moved to Germany from Dallas, I was a bit wiser and packed from the start things I thought I'd need. This time it was great products like Lysol Kitchen Wipes, single-serve pita chips and Nabisco 100 Calorie Snack Packs....and lots of random stuff the movers packed up from the kitchen. Including boxes of toiletries (and the paper towels) remaining from living in Thailand.

The pita chips and Snack Packs didn't last long (Stacy's Pita Chips in Sea Salt, how could they last???), but I've found myself reversing course in the past year...trying to use up everything rather than accumulate more. I've used up almost all of the things left from Bangkok and am down to just 2 boxes of things from the move here. But still the closet has a couple containers of Lysol wipes, Dryel, Lubriderm lotion (doesn't burn on just-shaved legs!), and tasty low-carb protein shakes.

These days it's more about buying the things that are super expensive here...mostly clothes and shoes, English books, and DVDs. And only a few of the other essentials that do not exist here....Chocolate Chips, real vanilla extract, sugar free jello, cheap tissue tees from Target, those disposable toilet cleaner things, and warm clothes for the long winter. Winter hiking pants for $25 at Target or €100+ in Munich? Not much of a contest!

I've made major progress using up the stockpiles, but it's still a fight not to (over)stock up on goods while home for the holidays. There is just so much available and the prices much lower. Luckily the increasingly strict airline baggage policies and the European apartments' lack of storage space help combat that urge and keep from crossing the line into hoarder territory.